Grief Awareness Week with Emma Andrews

Suddenly everything we knew to be safe is shrouded in a thick cloud of uncertainty and doubt. It can feel like we are walking around with a wet, heavy, woollen blanket draped across our shoulders. It is exhausting to the body, mind and spirit. We can struggle to make sense of who we are and the world we live in without our special person.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief is an individual experience and no one person will feel or behave in the same way.

One-to-one support can help people to understand there is no quick fix for grief - they have to learn to manage their grief over time.

Grief isn’t an illness - it is a normal, healthy, human reaction to loss. It is the price we pay for love. Understanding grief and finding ways to live with it can help us transform that feeling of a wet, heavy woollen blanket draped over our shoulders into a light, comforting duvet that gives us comfort and makes us feel safe.

There aren’t any textbook instructions for grieving. The way you experience grief will depend on many factors which are individual to you. These include the relationship you shared with the person who has died or the circumstances surrounding their death. It may also relate to the way you would normally cope with or think about difficult situations in your life.

One of my clients described her first Christmas without her beloved husband who died of COVID during the pandemic. With 4 grown up children and 12 devoted grandchildren, it would be easy to think her loving family would be a huge comfort. But, in those first painful few months after her husband died, my client felt she was floating above them all, unable to connect, to share, to feel. “It was like I was on the outside, trapped in a bubble, floating around them. Nothing felt real."

Numbness and difficulty accepting that the person has died is a common feeling. Thinking you have seen or heard the person or searching for them is also a common experience. Difficulty sleeping or eating, anxiety and restlessness, guilt, anger, loneliness and relief are also feelings described by many of our clients.

You may or may not have any of these feelings. It is important that you allow yourself to experience whatever feelings may arise. It may be helpful to be patient and kind with yourself, allowing space and time to grieve. Grieving can be exhausting and allowing time to rest can be beneficial. Sometimes it may be helpful to delay making important decisions or having unrealistic expectations of yourself.

If you are struggling with grief due to a bereavement, our local hospices can help: